A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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