Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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