I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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