She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
