My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
