I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
