Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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