your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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