There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
