What a fucking waste of an outfit
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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