I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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