The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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