Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just pee around me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize