You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
being pregnant is like rehab
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
