I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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