I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
