Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
