i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Randomize