yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
