"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
