zippers are such a cool invention
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
