my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
