My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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