just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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