ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
