Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
