Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
