Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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