It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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