Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
