Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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