Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
