He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
