it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
