Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize