I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
