I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
