i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
