Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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