I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
it was like eating out sand paper
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
