I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
