is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
