What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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