it hurts more in the daytime
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
