what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
