you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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