My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize