i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
