I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
