He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
