The police scanner is talking about you again....
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
