Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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