physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize