i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
