how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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