Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
