I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
