hotel room ftw
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
