I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We are two peas in an std pod
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
