I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
