So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Mom said you looked used
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
