does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
