the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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