It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
