he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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