It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
