he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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