There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
