Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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