There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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