this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
