kristin has been a bad kristin
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
