Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
